ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize