I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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