i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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