We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
