Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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