The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
