why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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