i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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