I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
