I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
