he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
