you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
