my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
