David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize