The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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