someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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