Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
