We named our party play list daddy issues
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize