the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
