There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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