kristin has been a bad kristin
Who wears a wallet chain?!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
nutella sex= disaster
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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