Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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