dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
