I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
