the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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