These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
