I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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