He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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