Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize