OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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