mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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