I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
