Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
