I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
