I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
