This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
