Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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