I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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