Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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