Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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