it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
