im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
