thus making me awesome and them whores
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
