Plan B is the new Plan A
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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