Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
