Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
