I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize