You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
