You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
