2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
