I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Success! We fucked roommates!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
