Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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