And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
