My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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