Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
