so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
