Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize