All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
