oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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