do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
