she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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