thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
