He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
