I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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