I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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