fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Still dying that you shit outside
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
