No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
