No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
