Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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