I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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